Fancy a top of the range Merc or BMW? Just get yourself on the higher rate of DLA (19,500 druggies and alcoholics have managed) and help yourself to a brand new motor under the mobility scheme,courtesy of the good old taxpayer. You don’t even have to drive and you can loan it out to your friends and family even if they live nowhere near you. Two hundred thousand are doing that right now. Hurry though,this free offer could be ending soon. In the meantime,VA VA SCROUNGE!!
We’re continually told benefits are pitifully small and how your average claimant is sat starving in their ice-cold,one bedroom flat they can’t afford to heat. The recent case of a DLA claimant receiving so much in benefits he even started his own loan company should dispel this myth. Like many other lowlifes he was sucking vigorously on the welfare teat and money was dribbling everywhere. To make matters worse he actually avoided prosecution,claiming agoraphobia prevented him from attending court. Despite this terrible ailment he was fit enough to advertise for women on dating websites- ”Financially well-endowed agoraphobic seeks fellow agoraphobic. Cannot travel.” I wonder whether he put up a picture of himself wearing only a towel?
Finally,just why does your average DLA scrounger love their extreme sports? Another sky-diver was prosecuted this week. Unable to walk more than 25 meters she somehow managed to throw herself out of an aeroplane travelling at 120mph and land on her own two feet. The DWP must now station fraud investigators at airfields as well as golf clubs,gymnasiums and martial arts centres-the favoured haunts of the DLA cheat.Though they even manage to scrounge at ten thousand feet there’s no doubt these fraudsters are still the lowest of the low.
Instead of fining DLA cheats why can’t they be made to do National Service? Already possessing the necessary skills required to make an elite fighting unit they would require little training. As accomplished skydivers they could be parachuted behind enemy lines then utilise their skills of avoiding capture, perfected through years of dodging work and the DWP. Using their well-honed storytelling skills any interrogator/torturer would be deceived into believing they’re totally innocent and not involved in any furtive activity. Bring on The Special Scrounger Service!