The A-Z of sickness benefit srounging: Your comprehensive guide. “A”

Apologist

Vile welfare extremist often found on internet forums, (see Digital Spy) whining about the Atos benefit journey (see assessments) being “unfair.”  To the apologist, every IB/ESA/DLA recipient is a paragon of virtue, deserving of ever more money while the huge numbers convicted of benefit fraud are merely “isolated cases” and not symptomatic of widescale scrounging. It is suspected by many that the apologist, who often likes to boast about their own multiple “ailments,” is actually a workshy freeloader themself, thus explaining their vehement opposition to welfare reform, usually expressed in the form of dribbling, incoherent rants.

Appeals

Process by which 70% of scroungers are confirmed fit for work despite their bleating to the contrary.

Assessment

Extremely efficient procedure through which genuine claimants (25-30%) are found unfit for work and the rest (70-75%) proven to be swinging the lead. Administered by an award-winning private company, (see Atos) this process strikes such fear into the hearts of scroungers that hundreds of thousands simply abandon their claims before completion. Generally misrepresented as a medical test by welfare extremists,(see apologists) assessments are merely used to determine fitness for work, not to confirm claims of sometimes bizarre illnesses.

Atos

Award-winning private company introduced into the benefits system to root out IB/ESA claimants pretending to be too ill to do a day’s work and therefore receiving extra money to spend on beer, drugs and cigarettes. With a 95.7% success rate, Atos is highly effective in removing freeloaders from the “sickness” register, making them the sworn enemy of the scrounger and welfare extremist (see apologist). Contrary to the lies of the extremists, Atos are not paid according to the number of workshy layabouts they unearth.

FACTS: In 2010 20,000 Atos medical reports were independently audited for quality. 95% were rated as either A or B.

Independent market research of 31,000 Atos customers showed an overall satisfaction rate of 88.6%. The professionalism and approach of Atos often exceeds 90%.

Complaints against the approach of Atos health professionals were a miniscule 0.14% of all assessments.

http://www.publications.parliament.uk/pa/cm201012/cmselect/…/1015.pdf (Pages 267-270)

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