They’re at it again! The DS scroungers, led by their towel-wearing, internet “barrister” are objecting to GP’s being removed of the burden of signing sick-notes. GP’s will be ecstatic at this news. No more bullying, legal threats and emotional blackmail from patients (I can immediately think of several) desperate to avoid work and wanting to access generous sickness benefits. Due to their success in unmasking hundreds of thousands of ESA scroungers (and soon the many DLA spongers) the award-winning Atos should be contracted to run the independent panels which assess fitness for work. It’s a shoe-in that those who run along to their GP for a sick-note whenever they have a blister will not want to try their luck in front of an independent panel. Absence rates, particularly in the public sector, will plummet.
We’re now up to D in our comprehensive guide to scrounging.
Here we go….
Generous, therefore widely abused handout, claimed by millions without any medical examination to ascertain eligibility. This is the most lucrative of benefits hence the most coveted by scroungers. DLA spongers can usually be found in several places but most commonly; the gymnasium, the golf course and sky-diving form aeroplanes. Places you’re unlikely to find a DLA scrounger are in their free luxury car as it’s usually loaned out to friends and relatives.
Tub-thumping organisation funded by companies welfare extremists claim as tax evaders.
Wide-ranging term that now qualifies people with piles, blisters and alcoholism to claim state handouts. (see DLA).
DWP (Department of Work and Pensions)
Inefficient government department responsible for overseeing welfare handouts. For 23 consecutive years the National Audit Office has refused to sign off the DWP’s accounts due to levels of fraud. It is suspected by many that the DWP use a tiny sample to estimate fraud in order to disguise the real figure and therefore avoid embarrassment. It has also been said how 95% of welfare scroungers remain undetected by the DWP.
Also known as Digital Scrounger. This is the forum where a clique of workshy parasites-usually a small band of multi-id’s- (see JS477/Harry56 etc) spend all day posting despite claiming they have a multitude of ailments precluding them from doing an honest day’s work. The majority are now in a panic, knowing they will soon be unmasked as malingerers by the award-winning Atos. It is speculated DS will see a big drop in membership once the DLA assessments are complete.
Farewell JS477,Harry56 et al. The mods got you before Atos did! If you can create lots of multi-id’s then you’re fit for work!
A favourite past-time of the sickness benefit scrounger. Receiving thousands of pounds of free money is enough to make anyone dance but amongst spongers in particular it brings out the natural showman in them.