Months later the stepmother turned again to the magic mirror and was shocked when it replied, “The biggest sponger of all is still Snow White, who lives with the seven scroungers.” The stepmother was furious. What were the DWP playing at? Why hadn’t Snow White’s DLA been stopped?
“The lazy bitch must die!” she screamed.
Disguising herself as an old woman, the stepmother filled a basket with apples, putting in a poisoned one among them.
Snow White was smoking a cigarette and watching SKY TV when she heard the knock at the door.
“Who’s there?” she called suspiciously, remembering the scroungers advice.
“I’m an old woman selling apples,” came the reply.
“Fuck off!” she replied.
“But they are beautiful apples and ever so juicy!”
“I’m not supposed to open the door to anyone,” said Snow White.
“Quite right too! If you promised not to open up to strangers, then of course you can’t buy. You are a good girl indeed!”
“For being good, I’m going to make you a gift of one of my apples!”
Like any good freeloader Snow White couldn’t resist a handout so flung open the door and greedily grabbed an apple.
She bit into the fruit and immediately fell to the ground as the terrible poison took effect.
Hearing the thud the scroungers immediately hurried downstairs where they found Snow White, lying still and lifeless, the poisoned apple by her side. They did their best to bring her around, but it was no use.
They wept for a long time before going back to their computers and posting how the beastly Atos had been responsible for murdering Snow White. Then, they laid her on a bed of five pound notes and wrapped her in the chief scrounger’s towel.
Then one evening, they discovered a strange young man admiring Snow White. After listening to the story, the man, in a strange nasal voice said, “Wake up Snow White, I’m Prince Ed of LeftieLand and if you vote for me in the next election I’ll become King, shake my magical money tree and all scroungers will get an increase in their handouts.”
Miraculously, Prince’s Ed’s words broke the spell. To everyone’s astonishment Snow White opened her eyes. She had amazingly come back to life! Her condition was merely a fluctuating one! Now in love, she promised to vote for Prince Ed in the hope he would one day become King and she could live happily ever after at the taxpayers expense in one of London’s most expensive boroughs.
As for the seven scroungers they too have pledged to vote for Ed but live in constant fear that their own fairytale existence will soon be ending and they won’t live happily ever after.