Until a few days ago I’d forgotten about the petition to close my blog down. I’d successfully faced down all the legal threats, the menacing emails and attempts to intimidate me so had forgotten about the attempt to silence me. It’s now time to reminisce, look back at who was behind the petition and see who or what they’re campaigning against now. A quick Google will give you a little bit of information and I doubt you’ll like what you see….
Lardy lesbian Cheryl Brooks has been caught munching on both the hairy and the benefits pie. Despite being unable to work since 2009 and in receipt of, yes, you guessed it, DLA, Chezza embarked on a round the world tour, riding elephants in India, feeding Koalas in Australia and searching for Elvis in Gracelands. Throw in Thailand and Spain for good measure just to ramp up the fraud to £36K of taxpayers money. It never ceases to amaze me how many of those on sickness benefits claim to be too ill to work yet easily jetset around the globe, happily taking photographs that suggest none of the terrible suffering we’re constantly reminded blights their miserable lives. When it’s not water skiing or scuba-diving it’s all high-fives and broad smiles, no signs of any discomfort at all – it’s as if being in receipt of “Bennies” miraculously cures them!
For future claimants only, we will align the ESA Work-Related Activity Group rate with the rate of Job Seekers Allowance.
This was my favourite announcement from George Osbourne’s budget. Shirkers who fail to con their way into the ESA Support Group can no longer slither down the financial ladder into a slightly less financially generous band of bludgers and will instead receive the same as bog-standard JSA scroungers. Of course, they won’t have to seek out employment in the way JSAers do but I’m sure a raft of sanctions will be introduced to keep them on the road to full-time work and numbers will drastically drop once the workshy see there’s no financial benefit in pretending to be ill.
I’m loving this Tory government and its targeting of the Bennie Brigade.
Fatties, druggies and alkies are next on the list for savage cuts and I’m punching the air like IDS during a budget speech!
Be it from bombing ISIS in Syria to working tax credits their isn’t a topic OSG can’t shoehorn the spare room subsidy into. Countless hours are spent hammering away on his keyboard, reciting his whole life story, his wife’s life story, how the Tories are responsible for his failure in life and usually ending in some trite quotation from a fellow Leftie.
Has anyone ever seen the tat he turns out advertised anywhere?
Quite simply there is no employer that would take on such an individual whose output can at best be described as minimal.
Universal Credit will be his undoing but in the meantime it’s congratulations to OSG, least employable Scrounger of the Year.
It’s the competition for the scrounger least likely to ever gain full-time employment.
OLD SCROUNGING GUY is in the lead at the moment.
Keep voting. Closing date 3/7/14
The candidates are….
OLD HIPPY GUY: A man who hasn’t done a honest day’s work for years. In the words of one forum poster he “Makes shite that nobody wants to buy.” He uses his hobby as a way to claim generous benefits that Universal Credit will put a stop to. He once claimed his “business” was just about to get off the ground when the Tories came to power and they yet again scuppered his chances of becoming a millionaire.
GibsonSG: Apparently incapacitated in an accident he spends most of his time moaning about the DWP and is famous for once asking other FM’s if they had a shotgun he could borrow to shoot himself. He really is the one of the most depressing people on any forum, anywhere.
CELT1987: Imagine a computer screen covered in spittle, the stench of entitlement and saliva dribbling down a chin. Yes, it’s our next contender who seems somewhat bemused that he can’t find employment. It’s of little surprise to me that that he’s unemployable and will soon be having his handouts cut. His anger management problems exclude him from the workplace and he’ll no doubt find himself banned on DS.
It’s time for one of our most cherished awards and one in which again there’s been fierce competition and golden moments of comedy.
The first nominee is OLD HIPPY GUY who’s spent the last two years on DS blubbering over the spare room subsidy. There’s not a topic he can’t shoehorn the subsidy into and his wallowing in self-pity over his shitty life is an example to cry-babies everywhere.
Next, CELT1987. “I’ve got Cerebal Palsy” Yes, you’re also a self-pitying moron who dribbles entitlement all over the forum. His symptoms include random, uncontrolled posts and lack of intellectual balance.
GibsonSG was originally a shoe-in for this award after his wailings over the DWP losing his scrounge form and subsequent request for a shotgun so he could put himself out of our misery.
However, one person has stood head and shoulders above other welfare lovers this past year and that man is……..Fletch/Windwalker!!!
A strong showing over the past few months has catapulted Fletch/Windwalker to his second Welfie of 2015. After his DS ban for anti-semitic posts DS Fletch railed against the mods, wailed about unfairness and unsuccessfully tried to have his oponents banned. Fast forward a few months later and you’ll probably never see a sadder forum site than Fletch/Windwalker on his knees, begging admin to ban a poster who was destroying him every day on Bitchfest. After a brief return of only a post or two a tearful Fletch shuffled off into the internet wilderness.
CONGRATULATIONS Fletch/Windwalker – WELFARE CRY BABY OF THE YEAR!!
More awards….coming soon
Can Fletch make it a hat-trick? If so he could give one Welfie to each of the daughters he’s recently discovered.
I’ve been away visiting a mythical daughter but now I’m back and it’s time to reveal the winner of the Walter Mitty category.
This is always one of the most hard fought and coveted awards in the scrounging world. Previous recipients include Richievilla for claiming to be a barrister and then caught seeking legal advice on a scrounging forum, plus, Old Hippy Guy whose made up life stories always seem to correspond to current political events.
However, there’s a new name on the Walter Mitty trophy this year and that is…..(drumroll) WINDY/FLETCH!!!
Congratulations to Fletch/Windy who claimed his flounce from BF was actually a holiday during which he discovered he had a daughter and bought her a car. Despite touring the length and breadth of Britain, Fletch, the compulsive poster, was unable to find an internet connection to feed his habit.
Sadly, Fletch is unable to accept his award as he’s again currently travelling the length and breadth of Britain without finding a way to hook up to the web. He’s no doubt discovered another daughter as well.
Next time, GibsonSadGit, The Towel Man, Koantemplation, Celt1987 or Old Hippy Scrounger? Who is Welfare Cry Baby of the year?
This should be a shoe-in for suicide-watch Gibson but Old Hippy Scrounger’s Bedroom Tax bleatings might run SadGit close.
Six was the only handicap of DLA scrounger Alan Bannister. This was his golf handicap despite him claiming he could barely lift his hands above his head and struggled to walk 50 yards. Like so many DLA claimants our mobility car user exaggerated his condition to claim £26k in handouts. As is the way with these types he claimed his condition was fluctuating, meaning he was well enough to regularly play golf but not fit enough for work.
Yet more evidence that the DLA self-assessment form is wholly inadequate and is virtually a free pass for anyone parasite wants to avoid work.